Welcome to the Florida report by Mattiehorn. For this weeks report, I went undercover as a worker at a hamburger stand at the St Petersburg Boat Show. Now, I can say with great certainty, that the burgers consumed at the show where nothing like the camelburgers created here at Abdelfez.com The stand also came complete with an Arsehole from Boston as the boss and two overstaying Estonian liars, hell bent on selling any piece of food, regardless of how burnt it was or how many times it had been dropped on the ground. Who says standards of service are slipping? Not me. I should be quite elated as a woman to hear shouts of "hey baby, do you want some Italian sausage," and "what are you telling me that for, do you want me to magically pull some more straws out of my arse?" Word on the street is that Dec 20th is when it all ends. He without lodgings and a camel, shall be in the deepest shit of all. I only hope my camel comes in before then, otherwise I shall be forced to proceed with another plan... Abdulfez appointed new caterer to the Cruise lines! I am very please to announce this day, that Abdulfez.com has taken over the catering for the Holland America cruise line based in Ft Lauderdale. No more rancid offcuts or used band-aids and pubic hairs in the food, for Camel burger is now on the menu. People vomiting blood and shitting through the eye of a needle will now be a thing of the past. All our meat passes strict standards of health and hygiene. If the juice coming out of it resembles green radiator coolant, then we know it can stil be frozen, cooked, then re-frozen at least once more. Word on the waterways here is that crew positions are all sewn up until mid-January, when the Captain realises the guy he hired lied on his resume and a host of other factors causing disharmony onboard the ship become apparent. As long as Naomi Campbell and her semi-naked entourage are still going for jaunts to the Caribbean, I am happy to sit tight and broker camel burger deals until the dunes freeze over. You were my brother Abdul, you were meant to help me, now all that is left for me is a one-way ticket to the sand dunes... The Phoenix, Arizona files. Hi Abdul, Merry Christmas and all that Jazz. The US adventure took a strange twist there for a few days. The guy I stayed with in Phoenix was paranoid delusional about the CIA being out to get him by drugging his cigarettes, the heater in his car and by using darts and tazars on him. He had a series of fits caused electronic frequencies from other vehicles on the road and took refuge in placing a t-shirt soaked in Gatorade over his mouth. Every so often he would order me to over take certain vehicles and look out the window at any approaching vehicles. I was tempted to drive to the airport and get on a plane the fuck out of there, but I wanted to go to San Diego, so I thought fuck it - I can handle his bullshit. He has returned to his version of normal and there has been no more talk about the CIA. There would have been some great used car lots in Phoenix or Yuma for the site, but alas, there was no chance to do so in between sightings of the CIA and the fits he was having. The San Diego files. ... Take it easy, Vision of Horneo Would you buy a used camel's uterus from either of these men? Back >>