The Shibuya Report Part one No report would be complete without a list of some of the visceral pleasures on offer in central Tokyo. We plan to give a picture report as well and ask for your patience; as the Mafia on the street is very touchy feely about having their picture snapped, (not to mention a few bones as well.) In part two we speak to the man of the hour who makes it all possible. Gov. of Tokyo (who by the way is seeking re-election in April, 2003, we understand) Shintaro Ishihara. First. Did you know that you can have somebody bumped off for a mere 300.000 yen? That is 2,700 dollars American. Pretty cheap for a hitman today in a major urban area and worlds second largest economy now suffering from major deflationary pressure. These chaps come from rural China I am told, and should be working for a visa in Las Vegas. Even the Tokyo Mafia stays out of their way-they are illiterate and trying to save enough yen to get back to the rural farm, marry the local cousin next door and begin a normal life. Way to go comrade! Money AND ideology rules the cultural revolution. How about rightist hate. Any takers? You can enjoy this tourist attraction at your larger central Tokyo train stations-free of charge! You will not understand much talk; but the symbols are there and easily recognisable, signs attached to large trucks and vans which drive around the city with Jpanese flags with huge loud speakers playing music of the Imperial Army etc., all for a good cause, like killing all Americans and Chinese I am told. Local police stand by watching the (and listening but the sound level is 135dbl so they may have earplugs) exhibition without batting a baton. In all fairness; the local men on the beat are eagar to direct you any place you wish to go (at no cost) from your local train station with modern maps. Feel free to use this service. Did I mention that the local police box (Koban) are equiped with TV sets? If you peer in at the right angle you can watch local law enforcers catching up on their favourite soaps. TV here is the bottom of the league tables in entertainment and this juxapositions with the low crime rate. Creme de creme. It is legal to ride a biycle on the sidewalk (you know, those places where you walk without losing your life to a fast moving object.) I heard the figure for accident and injury last year from biycles hitting people on sidewalks in Tokyo was over 10,000 officially. It is illegal I am told to ride a biycle on a city street hence the reason for cycling on the sidewalks. Many mothers have child seats for very small children and infants, installed front and rear, which makes for a rickety ride. Have you ever seen a childs head cracked open like a coconut on a concrete curb? A nasty sight for some I am told, and should be avoided before a sushi dinner at all costs since many young infants wear absolutely no helmets whatsoever. Another problem: Traffic flows on the left in Japan as it does in the UK; although people insist on walking to the right. This holds true at many large train stations, and signs sometimes express right or left. A major new development has been the building works in progress for more escalators and elevators for people with no legs or bad hearts. I can say upon my arrival in 1999, I must have suffered 10 heart attacks a week from climbing stairs in cental Tokyo train stations in the mid-summer heat (around 37c here and 90% humidity) and I only guess how the disabled cope. Maybe they were just ignored. This may explain a plot hatched by housewives privy to secret bid rigging while sleeping with the enemy, (and bribes of course) to build elevated platforms in every station so salarymen husbands died; thereby leaving life insurance policies paying off early, a future life of bliss, free of drinking philandering bastards now locked away saftly as ash in urns upon every mantle piece in Japan. Women rejoice. Back >>